Tuesday, January 25, 2011

WHEN COMPETITIVENESS TURNS INTO OBSESSIVENESS...

Weigh in days for The Biggest Loser at work are Tuesday. Was scared about how i would go as last week i had only lost 100grams. Was a bit down on that but what got me through was that i felt skinner even if the scales only said a measly 100grams.

So im about to get on the scales. Im scared and anxious but i feel good. But id also felt good the week before and look what happened. I wonder if i should take my Pandora bracelet and wondered how much that weighed. I mean i do have 11 charms! Maybe i should tie my hair up. I wonder if it weighs more if you leave it down. I wasnt sure what to do.

I'd already put a lot of thought into my weigh in day outfit. I wear the same thing, every Tuesday without fail. I cant have clothes making me put on weight expecially when every gram counts.

I jumped on the scales, 1.4kg of fat gone! GO ME!!!!!!

I then took a step back and wondered when did i get so damn competitive?

Did it start as a child when i played sport, or when i was a teenager who was able to by my own things as i had a job or was it when i couldnt stand someone who is a bigger fan of P!nk than me that i had to go to as many shows as possible to prove my love for her!

This competitiveness has turned me crazy. For the first time in two years i went out and purchased some scales. I havent allowed scaled in my house before because i new i would weigh myself everyday. Well, since i got them its worse than weighing myself everyday. I weigh myself everything i go to the toilet. Sometimes i will weigh myself before and after going. Crazy!!!

I thought it was but now i just put it down as needing to do it. Its a consent reminder that i have a long way to go. I dont feel pressure when i jump on those scales, instead i feel satisfaction or determination. If the number goes up then it puts me into gear and reminds me that i havent exercised today or that i havent made the right eating choices. If it goes down, even only by 100g, it makes me feel the satisfaction that i am on the right path and i am making the right choices.

Today, i feel tired. This is an excuse! Yesterday, i did think about my excuses as part of Pre-Season Task 2 in the 12WBT and this came up as one. Today i realised i would not have exercised on this day we celebrate the nation we are (Australia Day) had it not been for Bootcamp. This cemented the fact that i need to ensure i do exercise "before life begins". I can always go back to bed afterwards, or go out afters. It doesnt matter. With the right exercise comes the right food choices. As if i exercise i feel bad about putting the wrong things in my mouth.

So on this journey i promise to myself that i will get up before MY life begins and exercise!!!

XOXO
Sar

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